What Your Emotions Are Telling You, and What Helps When They Linger

By Dr Sarah Fischer, Principal Psychologist, Behavioural Edge Psychology Published 23 October 2026

Emotions are signals. Each one tells you something about what matters to you and prepares your body and mind to respond. Most emotions rise and settle on their own. They tend to linger when we push them down, avoid what they point to, or go over the same thoughts again and again.

In this article I explain eight common emotions, what tends to keep each one going, and the strategies that research suggests can help. I have included a feelings wheel you can use to put a more precise name to what you feel.

Key points from this article:

• Naming a feeling precisely can reduce its intensity.

• Routinely suppressing emotions is linked with lower wellbeing and less satisfying relationships.

• Venting anger by hitting or shouting at something tends to increase it. Slowing down and relaxing tends to reduce it.

• Fear responds to a threat that feels present. Anxiety anticipates a threat that might happen.

• Guilt is about an action. Shame is about the self.

• Grief usually softens over time. For adults, prolonged grief disorder can be considered when intense grief continues 12 months or more after a loss.

Why does naming a feeling help?

Putting a feeling into words can make it less intense. In a brain imaging study, Lieberman and colleagues (2007) found that labelling the emotion in a picture reduced activity in the amygdala, a brain region closely involved in emotional responses. In my work, finding the right word for a feeling is often a useful first step, because ‘bad’ or ‘stressed’ covers a lot of ground.

The feelings wheel below is organised around the eight emotions in this article. Start at the centre with the emotion that seems closest, then move outwards to find a more specific word. More than one feeling can be present at once, and a feeling can belong to more than one part of the wheel.

Feelings wheel format adapted from Willcox (1982).

Some people, including many neurodivergent adults, find it hard to identify what they feel from the inside. This is a common difference in how people experience emotion, and a wheel like this gives you a practical starting point.

What happens when you push emotions down?

Most of us push feelings aside at times to get through a difficult moment, and that can be useful. Research on emotion regulation suggests that routinely suppressing emotions, rather than noticing and working with them, is linked with lower wellbeing and less satisfying relationships (Gross & John, 2003).

When feelings are regularly pushed down, people often describe:

• ongoing muscle tension, including in the neck and back

• trouble sleeping

• feeling flat, numb or shut down

• outbursts that seem out of proportion to what triggered them

• difficulty concentrating

• tiredness and feeling constantly on edge

These experiences have many possible causes, including physical health conditions, so please discuss any that persist with your GP.

How does the body respond to an emotion and then recover?

When something feels important or threatening, the sympathetic branch of the nervous system raises your level of arousal. Your heart beats faster, your breathing quickens and your muscles tense, ready for action. As the moment passes, the parasympathetic branch helps your body settle again.

This rise and fall is normal and healthy. Feeling calm all the time is neither possible nor the aim. Emotional wellbeing means being able to respond when something matters and then return to a settled state. This is a simplified picture, because the two branches work together continuously rather than switching on and off.

Does venting anger help?

Research does not support venting. Anger is a protective emotion that tends to arise when something feels unfair, when a boundary has been crossed, or when something important is blocked. A common belief is that it needs to be let out by hitting a pillow or shouting. In a well-known experiment, people who hit a punching bag while thinking about the person who had angered them felt angrier and behaved more aggressively than people who did not hit the bag at all (Bushman, 2002). A 2024 meta-analysis of 154 studies found that activities which raise arousal tend to maintain or increase anger, while activities which lower arousal, such as slow breathing and muscle relaxation, reduce it (Kjærvik & Bushman, 2024).

What can help:

• Slow your breathing for a few minutes, making each out-breath longer than the in-breath.

• Step away from the situation and give yourself time before you respond.

• Notice where you are holding tension, such as your jaw, hands or shoulders, and let those muscles soften.

• Once you feel settled, decide whether something needs to be said or done, and plan how you will address it.

What is the difference between fear and anxiety?

Fear responds to a threat that seems to be here now. Anxiety anticipates a threat that might happen later (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). Both can bring a tight chest, a racing heart, shallow breathing and tense shoulders. Fear tends to narrow attention onto the threat, while anxiety tends to loop through worst-case scenarios.

Both are kept going by avoidance. Avoiding what we fear brings quick relief, but it also stops us learning that a situation may be more manageable than it feels, which is why gradual, planned exposure is central to evidence-based treatment for fears and phobias (Craske et al., 2014). With anxiety, worry, checking and seeking reassurance work in a similar way, bringing brief relief while keeping the cycle going (Borkovec et al., 2004).

What can help:

• Ground yourself through your senses. One option is 5-4-3-2-1 grounding, where you name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste.

• Breathe slowly with a longer out-breath. Humming as you breathe out can make this easier.

• Set aside a short, regular worry time each day and postpone worries until then.

• Splash cool water on your face. If you have a heart or other medical condition, take medication that lowers your heart rate, or have an eating disorder, check with your doctor first (Linehan, 2015b).

• With a psychologist, plan small steps towards situations you have been avoiding.

  
  

Why does sadness linger?

Sadness usually follows a loss, a disappointment, or a sense of being disconnected from people or things that matter to you. It slows you down and can prompt others to offer comfort. Sadness tends to deepen when we withdraw from people and activities, and when we go over the same painful thoughts repeatedly without reaching any resolution (Nolen-Hoeksema et al., 2008).

What can help:

• Spend time with people who help you feel understood, even briefly.

• Plan small, manageable activities that have brought you pleasure or a sense of achievement before, and do them even when motivation is low. This approach, called behavioural activation, has strong research support for low mood (Ekers et al., 2014).

• When you notice yourself going over the same thoughts, gently shift your attention to something practical or absorbing.

  
  

If low mood is present most of the day for two weeks or more, or you feel hopeless, please talk with a psychologist or your GP.

What is the difference between guilt and shame?

Guilt focuses on an action, the sense of ‘I did something bad’. Shame focuses on the self, the sense of ‘I am bad’ (Tangney & Dearing, 2002). Guilt signals that you may have caused harm or acted against your values, and it is useful when it leads to repair. Shame tends to drive hiding, and hiding keeps it going, because a feeling kept secret never has the chance to be met with understanding.

What can help with guilt:

• Check the facts. Ask whether you did act against your values, and how much of the outcome was within your control (Linehan, 2015a).

• If the guilt fits, take responsibility, apologise once and sincerely, and repair what you can.

• If it does not fit, remind yourself of your intentions and of what you knew at the time.

  
  

What can help with shame:

• Name the feeling to yourself, for example, ‘this is shame’.

• Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a good friend in the same situation. Compassion-focused approaches aim to build exactly this kind of kinder inner voice (Gilbert, 2010).

• When you feel ready, share what you are carrying with someone you trust to respond without judgement.

  
  

How long does grief last?

Grief does not follow fixed stages or a set timetable, and many people find it comes in waves. The dual process model describes healthy grieving as moving back and forth between facing the loss and attending to everyday life and rebuilding (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). Both are part of grieving. Over time, most people find the loss becomes something they carry alongside life rather than something that fills all of it.

For adults, prolonged grief disorder can be considered when intense grief continues and makes daily life very hard 12 months or more after the death of someone close (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). You do not need to wait that long to ask for support if you are worried about how you are coping.

What can help:

• Allow yourself to cry and to feel what comes.

• Create rituals that honour what you have lost, or write to the person or thing you have lost.

• Give yourself permission to take breaks from grief, to rest, to connect with others and to enjoy things.

  
  

What is boredom telling you?

Boredom is the restless, uncomfortable feeling of wanting to be engaged but being unable to engage with what is in front of you. It often arises when an activity feels meaningless or when attention will not settle (Eastwood et al., 2012; Westgate & Wilson, 2018). Scrolling can relieve boredom for a moment but rarely provides the meaning or absorbing focus that resolves it, which is one reason I have written separately about how social media can work against the gains of therapy.

What can help:

• Choose an activity that feels meaningful to you, or link the current task to something you care about.

• Adjust the level of challenge, making a task harder if it feels too easy or breaking it into steps if it feels too hard.

• Ask yourself what the boredom might be telling you that you need, such as rest, challenge, connection or movement.

  
  

When should you seek support?

If emotions feel overwhelming, last a long time, or get in the way of your work, relationships or daily life, a psychologist can help you understand what is keeping them going and build strategies that suit you. If you are unsure what to expect, my article on what I wish clients knew before starting therapy is a good place to begin.

I see adults in person at Caulfield Allied Health, 511 Hawthorn Road, Caulfield South, and at Stable Health Clinic, 22 Alma Road, St Kilda, and by telehealth across Victoria. To book, call 03 8771 4315 or email sarah.fischer@behaviouraledgepsychology.com.

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, or that life is not worth living, please seek support straight away.

• Emergency 000

• Lifeline 13 11 14 (24 hours)

• Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

• Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

  
  

Frequently asked questions

What is a feelings wheel?

A feelings wheel is a circular chart that groups emotion words from broad to specific. You start with a core emotion at the centre and move outwards to find a more precise word. The format was first published by Gloria Willcox in 1982, and many adapted versions are now used in therapy.

Is it healthy to let anger out by hitting a pillow or shouting?

Research suggests it is not. Venting through activities that raise arousal tends to maintain or increase anger. A 2024 meta-analysis of 154 studies found that activities which lower arousal, such as slow breathing and muscle relaxation, are more effective at reducing anger.

What is the difference between fear and anxiety?

Fear is a response to a threat that feels present or imminent. Anxiety is the anticipation of a threat that might happen in the future. Both involve similar body changes, and both tend to be maintained by avoidance.

What is the difference between guilt and shame?

Guilt focuses on a specific action, the sense of having done something wrong. Shame focuses on the whole self, the sense of being bad or not enough. Guilt tends to motivate repair, while shame tends to motivate hiding.

When does grief become prolonged grief disorder?

In DSM-5-TR, prolonged grief disorder can be considered for adults when intense grief, such as yearning for the person or preoccupation with them, continues for at least 12 months after the death and significantly affects daily life. Support is available well before that point if you are struggling.

When should I see a psychologist about my emotions?

Consider seeing a psychologist if emotions feel overwhelming, last a long time, or interfere with work, relationships or daily life. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or call 000 in an emergency.

References

• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). American Psychiatric Association Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

• Borkovec, T. D., Alcaine, O. M., & Behar, E. (2004). Avoidance theory of worry and generalized anxiety disorder. In R. G. Heimberg, C. L. Turk, & D. S. Mennin (Eds.), Generalized anxiety disorder: Advances in research and practice (pp. 77–108). Guilford Press.

• Bushman, B. J. (2002). Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger, and aggressive responding. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(6), 724–731.

• Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006

• Eastwood, J. D., Frischen, A., Fenske, M. J., & Smilek, D. (2012). The unengaged mind: Defining boredom in terms of attention. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 7(5), 482–495. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612456044

• Ekers, D., Webster, L., Van Straten, A., Cuijpers, P., Richards, D., & Gilbody, S. (2014). Behavioural activation for depression; an update of meta-analysis of effectiveness and sub group analysis. PLoS ONE, 9(6), e100100. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0100100

• Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features. Routledge.

• Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

• Kjærvik, S. L., & Bushman, B. J. (2024). A meta-analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: What fuels or douses rage? Clinical Psychology Review, 109, 102414. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2024.102414

• Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x

• Linehan, M. M. (2015a). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

• Linehan, M. M. (2015b). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

• Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400–424. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-6924.2008.00088.x

• Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224. https://doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046

• Tangney, J. P., & Dearing, R. L. (2002). Shame and guilt. Guilford Press.

• Westgate, E. C., & Wilson, T. D. (2018). Boring thoughts and bored minds: The MAC model of boredom and cognitive engagement. Psychological Review, 125(5), 689–713. https://doi.org/10.1037/rev0000097

• Willcox, G. (1982). The feeling wheel: A tool for expanding awareness of emotions and increasing spontaneity and intimacy. Transactional Analysis Journal, 12(4), 274–276.

About the author. Dr Sarah Fischer is the Principal Psychologist at Behavioural Edge Psychology. She holds a PhD and a Master of Psychology, is endorsed by AHPRA in organisational psychology (PSY0001719709), and is a Full Member of the Australian Psychological Society and Australian Association of Psychologists Inc.

This article provides general information only and is not a substitute for advice tailored to your circumstances.